i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
