ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
