I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
