Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just found puke in my bra..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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