I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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