There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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