My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We are two peas in an std pod
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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