you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
