so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
