Even the bartender felt bad for me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
