i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
