WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
