3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
