U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
