I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize