watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
