so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
