A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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