fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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