my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
