They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
