im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
