are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
