I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
