how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
