So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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