The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
