I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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