so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
