he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
