Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
