I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
