so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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