the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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