His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
