Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
