I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
as a side note pls kill me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
