He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
