never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
