i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
