evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
