Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
