Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
