I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
