I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
