I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
