I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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