Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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