what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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