What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
