hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
