i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Never joke about your clitoris.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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