big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
this beer tastes like vomit already
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it's like iHOP with fire
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
