I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
