You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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