before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
