took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
