I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
