dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
