You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize