yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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