Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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