I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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