It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
