he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
