Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
