i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
BRING THE BAGELS
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
