I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
