Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
