So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
