i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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